Originally Posted By FaMulan Here is some very interesting info about clothes dryers. The heating unit went out of my dryer. Called the repairman/5-9-05. The repairman went in to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. We always clean the lint from the filter after every load of clothes. He told us that he wanted to show us something. He took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. Now, this thing is like a mesh-I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like - WELL......the hot water just laid on top of the mesh!!! It didn't go through it at all!!! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh and that's what burns out the heating unit. You can't SEE the film, but it's there. He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that???!!!! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that. So, thought I'd share! Note: I went to my dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water collected a little but ran though the screen. I dried it off and was ready to put it back in the dryer since the water ran through it but, I thought was the heck it won't hurt to wash it while I had it out. Warm soap water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. I then ran the water over the screen and what a difference the water just gushed through it with no puddling at all and this time I was running the water at a faster rate. That repairman knew what he was talking about. Don't leave the dryer running when you leave the house. Don't leave the dryer running when you go to bed. Ask any firefighter! PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO OTHER . NOT ONLY COULD IT SAVE SOMEONE'S HOME AND REDUCE THE ELECTRICITY BILL, BUT IT COULD SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.
Originally Posted By FaMulan SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. A snail can sleep for three years. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt." February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel fuel that it burns. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid. The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. There are more chickens than people in the world. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself. Okay.................Now you know everything
Originally Posted By ADMIN <font color="#FF0000">Message removed by an administrator. <a href="MsgBoard-Rules.asp" target="_blank">Click here</a> for the LaughingPlace.com Community Standards.</font>
Originally Posted By FaMulan Why Moms Rock. Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed." She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick list for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." "I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought. __________________________________________________________________________- Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer...? CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL.... (and we can't die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!) Send this to five phenomenal women today...they'll love you for it!
Originally Posted By FaMulan Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Subject: FW: Secret of a Long Marriage. There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about it. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married, "she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily." The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst into tears He asked where did the money come from, "Oh," she said, "that's the money made from selling the doilies." A Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord if I pray for Strength I'll beat him to death. Amen
Originally Posted By FaMulan Once upon a time, > ~~~~~~~~ > in a land far away, > ~~~~~~~~ > a beautiful, independent, > ~~~~~~~~ > self-assured princess > ~~~~~~~~ > happened upon a frog as she sat, > ~~~~~~~~ > contemplating ecological issues > ~~~~~~~~ > on the shores of an unpolluted pond > ~~~~~~~~ > in a verdant meadow near her castle. > ~~~~~~~~ > The frog hopped into the princess' lap > ~~~~~~~~ > and said:" Elegant Lady, > ~~~~~~~~ > I was once a handsome prince, > ~~~~~~~~ > until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. > ~~~~~~~~ > One kiss from you, however, > ~~~~~~~~ > and I will turn back > ~~~~~~~~ > into the dapper, young prince that I am > ~~~~~~~~ > and then, my sweet, we can marry > ~~~~~~~~ > and set up housekeeping in your castle > ~~~~~~~~ > with my mother, > ~~~~~~~~ > where you can prepare my meals, > ~~~~~~~~ > clean my clothes, bear my children, > ~~~~~~~~ > and forever > ~~~~~~~~ > feel grateful and happy doing so. " > ~~~~~~~~ > That night, > ~~~~~~~~ > as the princess dined sumptuously > ~~~~~~~~ > on lightly sauteed frog legs > ~~~~~~~~ > seasoned in a white wine > ~~~~~~~ > and onion cream sauce, > ~~~~~~~~ > she chuckled and thought to herself: > ~~~~~~~~ > I don't freakin' think so. >
Originally Posted By FaMulan A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Originally Posted By FaMulan GREAT QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong- Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies. The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)- I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber- Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin- A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky- My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck- Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis- A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome- The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman- Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited- Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton- Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen- I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited- If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine- When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley- I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.. -Elayne Boosler- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson- In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-
Originally Posted By FaMulan Lawns & God GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But it's so borin. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. BR>And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
Originally Posted By FaMulan MEXICAN BUNGEE JUMPING A couple is bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, you know, we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping service in Mexico." Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding.Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine... It was the crowd. What the heck is a Piñata?!?"
Originally Posted By FaMulan From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+! 14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% There are others, but they are not appropriate, if you've gotten this on email, you know what they are... So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the "lying" and "brown-nosing" that will put you over the top.
Originally Posted By FaMulan Apologies to TDG... Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided To save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and After struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off Running and reaches the edge -- into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sit-in' on the porch swing Tallinn bout the Good Ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw." She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. "I think ya missed him, Paw," she says. "Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"
Originally Posted By FaMulan Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss. (Read this to yourself aloud - it's great!) If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port , and the bus is Interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash! If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang. When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom! Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you? Thank you, Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives
Originally Posted By FaMulan "No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings." -- William Blake
Originally Posted By FaMulan IF MY BODY WERE A CAR If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.! Air bag's ?Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation? My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires
Originally Posted By FaMulan I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger...... Then it hit me!! He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. He wears glasses during math because it improves division. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, "This one's on me."
Originally Posted By FaMulan GOLFER VS CADDY ~ Top ten golfer vs caddy exchanges.......... # 10 Golfer "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy "Think you can keep your head down that long?" # 9 Golfer "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth." # 8 Golfer "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." # 7 Golfer "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy "Eventually." # 6 Golfer "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence." # 5 Golfer "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy "It's not a watch - it's a compass." # 4 Golfer "How do you like my game?" Caddy "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." # 3 Golfer "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day." # 2 Golfer "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." # 1 Best Caddy Comment Golfer "That can't be my ball, it's too old," Caddy "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.
Originally Posted By FaMulan sorry for the caps, but that's how I got it: A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP. THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD" WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS: DEAR DAD, IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU. I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION, DAD - SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA ASSURES ME THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER SINCE SHE IS SO MUCH OLDER THAN I AM, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO. BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE NEED. IN THE MEANTIME, WE PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO THAT BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!! DON'T WORRY, DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN. YOUR SON, JOHN P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT BILLY'S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD WHICH IS IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER. I LOVE YOU! P.P.S.CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME
