Originally Posted By skinnerbox <<If I am paying for the phone then it is my phone that I am loaning to him/her. I have every right, actually...a responsiblity, to make sure he/she isn't doing anything illegal with the phone. I have a job that I could easily lose if, for instance, he was setting up drug deals with the phone.>> But you would not be responsible for anything HE did on the phone, even though you're paying for it. He's the one doing the drug deals, not you. I'm sorry, but I need a legal ruling from one of our resident lawyers. I do not believe that any parent has the legal right to snoop on their legal adult kid's phone, even if they are paying for it, just as they don't have a legal right to snoop on their spouse's phone. That's an invasion of privacy.
Originally Posted By TomSawyer The government needs a reason to invade privacy. But the Constitution doesn't say anything about privacy rights when the government isn't involved. My cellphone contract with ATT has an acceptable use policy, which you can see at <a href="http://www.corp.att.com/aup/" target="_blank">http://www.corp.att.com/aup/</a> That policy says that the phone can't be used in the commission of any crime or to break any law, it can't be used to illegally copy or transmit copywritten material, it can't be used to threaten anyone, to interact inappropriately with minors or to publish or receive child porn,to send spam and several other things. As the signatory on that contract, I am responsible for making sure that the phones under that contract are being used appropriately according to the user agreement. If my kid is using the phone to arrange a drug buy or sending sext messages with her underage boyfriend, then the service could be cut off and I could be liable for any damages. If I am paying the bill, I am responsible for upholding my end of the contract that I have with ATT.
Originally Posted By wahooskipper Let's take the argument away from phones. If my adult son, living in my home, leaves the patio gate open to our swimming pool and a child gets in the pool and drowns...is my son going to be held accountable or am I, the homeowner, going to be held accountable?
Originally Posted By Kar2oonMan >>or sending sext messages << Wait, that's against AT&T's rules? Now you tell me.
Originally Posted By skinnerbox If someone steals your iPhone and makes child pornography with the built-in camera and distributes it to the net before you even notice your phone is missing, according to you, you're criminally liable. Because it's your phone and your account. Uh, I don't think so. Why? Because you're not the one making and sending the child porn, even though it's your phone and your account. So... why wouldn't the same thing apply to your child's behavior? It's their phone, not yours. And it's their behavior, not your behavior. You're not the one committing the criminal activity, therefore, you are not responsible.
Originally Posted By skinnerbox <<Let's take the argument away from phones.>> No. Your new example has nothing to do with privacy rights, which is what we're addressing here.
Originally Posted By wahooskipper Ok. Bad example on my part. Bottom line: If my kid wants me to pay for his phone...no matter the age...he will do so on the condition that I can monitor it if he gives me a reason to think I need to. Otherwise...he can live without it. I bet it is possible. In fact, I think there is history that proves it is.
Originally Posted By mele Anyone here actually have an adult child on their phone plan? Honestly, if your child is so out of control and secretive that you have to petition the phone company to read their texts to figure out what's going on with them, you've got bigger problems. This is even truer if your child is an adult. Guaranteed, when they find out you've gone through all of their texts/calls/emails, etc. They're going to get even more secretive and you might lose whatever trust you might have ever had with them. It's a dangerous game and shouldn't be casually played.
Originally Posted By imadisneygal ^^^ I totally agree, Mele. There are much bigger problems if there is legal action involved. At this point my boys are 7 and 11 and neither has a cell phone. If there comes a time when I get them one it will be with the understanding that, just like with the internet, I have the choice to monitor their use. I would not be snooping at every single text, call, etc. but when I get my teenager a phone it won't be with carte blanche to do anything he pleases on it. My hope is that any monitoring would be infrequent and inconsequential, but I still think it's my job as a parent to know what's going on with my teens (when I have them).
Originally Posted By mele I always told myself that I would monitor occasionally but vowed to not punish my children for every single thing I found that I didn't like (like language, mean comments about me, etc). Even then I knew that would be hard to do. We pay for our 20 year old son's cellphone. It's cheap and we've got all sorts of limits on it. I check the usage occasionally but can't imagine demanding to see the contents of his messages (and we've been through absolute hell with him). It is absolutely a parent's right to check up on their child; I just think it should be done cautiously and with good reason. Just because a parent *can* be in every single part of a child's life, doesn't always mean they *should*. I think some parents go too far just as some parents don't go far enough.
Originally Posted By DyGDisney >>>My hope is that any monitoring would be infrequent and inconsequential, but I still think it's my job as a parent to know what's going on with my teens (when I have them).<<< Agree. I don't often read my daughter's texts, but I look occasionally. It's an agreement we made when she got the phone, and there have been no problems. If my child were 20, well, I don't think I would look. However if I thought something really wrong was going on, I might.
Originally Posted By mele I've never read my daughter's texts but I do read her FB page. We're friends. I think it's neat because she's friends with a lot of my friends and friends with a lot her friend's parents. She's only 13 though, so I'm sure she'll eventually block certain posts from me. ;-) Anyway, it's cool because we all watch out for each other's kids. Last night I was talking to my daughter. She was telling me about a conversation she'd had with one of her best friends. They were discussing their parents and her friend said "...yeah, but you're friends with your parents". This made me so happy to hear. We're not very strict with her because she doesn't need us to be. She's a really good kid. I'm glad that she feels we're her friends. She likes hanging out with us and being silly...even in public (!!!) She doesn't take our friendship as a pass to do whatever she wants; she knows we're her parents and that she has to follow our rules. I know it probably won't always be this easy but for now, I'm totally going to brag. ;-)
Originally Posted By TomSawyer >>Wait, that's against AT&T's rules? Now you tell me.<< I've been telling you for years, 2oony. I really regret giving you my phone number.
Originally Posted By TomSawyer Legality and whether or not something is a good idea are separate issues. Should parents - or any person responsible for a cell phone contract have access to usage records for any cell phone under the contract? Legally, yes. Is it best for the kid and for family relations? No.
Originally Posted By DyGDisney >>>I know it probably won't always be this easy but for now, I'm totally going to brag. ;-)<<< Brag away! That's awesome to hear.
