Originally Posted By Lisann22 Try as hard as it may be to get rest Amazed. Take some time for yourself, a drive, a walk.
Originally Posted By trailsend <<>> We've all decided that we need to get on with our daily lives and take turns with mom and then pop in to see dad throughout the day as we feel the call to.<<>> amazedncal2 ~ this is the best decision. It's the most sane decision. And take Lisann's advice, because this is how you will maintain strength and clarity of mind. And don't feel guilty about ANYTHING!!! (it likes to creep up)
Originally Posted By LPFan22 Hugs, prayers and best wishes to you, your father, and family. We're always here to listen.
Originally Posted By TALL Disney Guy So sorry to hear this, amazed...hope things sure look a lot better very soon. (((hugs)))
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 Thank you everyone. It looks like all the thoughts, prayers and vibes are working a bit. He was a bit more resigned/responsive yesterday. Less thrashing which was hard to watch. They may try to take the ventilator off today. This taking turns instead of all of us sitting there in the waiting room or staring at the poor guy is really helping. We all have jobs of some sort and even just being able to go to the grocery store has been nice. As the adult grandchildren arrive from various towns, we make sure they are OK and then go and take a walk. One of my sons was there last night and he said that he wanted to say something to my Dad but his cousins were there. We are figuring out that private time is needed too. My mom is starting to realize that if my Dad goes home he will need care. He could barely walk before and now he hasn't been on his feet for a week. There will be meds and therapy needed and my mom can barely see. Last time he was released it was suggested that they have a visiting nurse come but my mom refused saying that it was all she had to do and they would be in the way. My sister is coming up to take my mom window shopping in town and to hopefully talk to my mom about options for Dad. This is the sister who can say "Mom, let's think about this". My mom will get ticked off and then listen. There is also their mail to sort through, my mom needs more minutes on her cell phone plan, we have figured out that she doesn't have a long distance carrier, etc. etc. She and my Dad were like one person, what one could do the other couldn't. She could walk and he could see. Thank you all again. I am doing fine. When I left the hospital yesterday (my sisters turn). I bought myself a pumpkin muffin and sat down with a cup of coffee and watched Ellen yesterday. BLISS.
Originally Posted By Pixie Glitter Glad to hear that things are calming down a bit for you. You and your family remain in my prayers.
Originally Posted By LuLu >>She and my Dad were like one person, what one could do the other couldn't.<< Sounds so much like my folks! Everything will work out - at least I can say my experience with this has been good. Feel free to email me if you want to chat!
Originally Posted By beamerdog Amazed, I know this is hard to face, but if the doctors will sign off on this, your dad may be eligible for hospice (which I think is free or covered by medicare/caid or insurance). They will send a nurse/nurses or aide once or more a day to medicate, bath, feed, do laundry and lots of things to help your mother out. My parents almost stopped talking to me when I called for hospice for my mother, but after a week or so of her being at home, my father settled in to the routine of the person cooking, doing the laundry and small chores which was an incredible help. The nurse was also able to recognize when my mother truly needed additional care. You can reduce the number of hours that hospice will come if you find it not necessary. God bless these people; they helped my dad keep my mother living at home with my dad until the day she died. Also during my MIL's recent knee operation, the Jewish Federation provided no/low cost help with all the same things above and also provided a hot meal once a day. I'm sure that there must be organizations like Catholic Services or something like that. You don't need to actually belong to a synogogue to get the help, so I'm sure that the other religions must work the same way. Try and get as many support services as you can. It will improve the quality of time you spend with your parents. My thoughts are with you and others here who are going through this most difficult time.
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 Thank you all again and again. My dad is still hanging in there. They thought they found an new infection today but determined that it was an "injury" from a previous IV. We should be looking into Hospice, thank you for the reminder beamerdog. We found a Dr. who will talk to us and I'll tell all family members that next time he pops in we should ask him about inquiring about things now and not when they release him and we are scurrying around. It would be great if he could go home and not into a care center. My mother continues her Queen of Denial routine and is starting to drive us batty. We think it's starting to sink in and she is refusing to deal. She keep saying things like, "well when he comes home, I can't lift him" or "well when he comes home, I can't drain his tube". More about her than him. So, I'll set up a chat with my siblings and we can start dividing up who will research what. We are keeping positive thoughts, thank you for yours.
Originally Posted By beamerdog Amazed, call the social worker in the hospital. She should have all the phone numbers and names that you will need. She can also be there with your family and mother all in one room and *she* or *he* can be the one to explain this to your mom. Sometimes it's just more meaningful coming from a stranger who is a professional. Doing it all before he's released is a good idea. Make sure this happens in a quiet room with as few distractions as possible (preferably NOT in the hallway of the hospital). Insist on this as it will be way too confusing if it's noisy. (OMG, this is what happened the first time around with my dad.) I'm sure that she's terrified and the denial attitude is her way of coping even though it's making things difficult. Please feel free to email me. I feel so badly about what's happening. I'll be happy to share whatever I know to help you deal with this. terri
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 Thank you for all your suggestions beamerdog, my sister will contact the social worker. Thank you all for your continuing good thoughts and prayers. My Dad continues to "hang in there". Tonight a kind nurse said that he is a very very sick man with a rocky road ahead of him but she wouldn't expect him to "go anywhere" tonight. Funny, how something like that just makes you feel better. OK, I can go home and come back tomorrow kind of feeling. Now there is some more intestinal trouble going on and they are trying to figure that one out. One thing after another. Poor guy. Luckily for him he remains pretty well sedated. Today DH and I spent a good part of the day playing with our grandson. I feel so rested just taking an afternoon "off". My 2 sisters, brother and mother were at the hospital all day so I knew I'd get all the reports when I asked for them. Thank you all again. Maybe tomorrow there will be good news. Who knows.
Originally Posted By LuLu You have a grandson?! You must have been a child bride! :-D Glad to hear you're feeling better. Do take good care of yourself, it's important!
Originally Posted By velo Amazed, just saw this. My thoughts are with you and your family. Is he at PVH? If there is anything I can do for you guys, in town or out, please let me know! velogrl2@aol.com
Originally Posted By amazedncal2 LOL LuLu, actually I did get married just before I was 19 and our first daughter was born just before my 21st birthday (I couldn't have the champagne in the hospital for our "romantic" dinner). But DH and I had been "going together" since I was 14 and our parents were horrified at the thought of us living together, LOL. Oldest DD is 29 and grandson (who looks very cute in his red dragon costume) is 19 months. Thank you for the compliment. velo, yes he is at PVH which is a blessing for my mother. She doesn't drive and we are able to get her there and back at her whims. I have a brother and sister who also live in town and a sister in Walnut Creek. He has also been transported up to Memorial which is a beautiful hospital but as we were following my Dad's gurney to a "cath" lab, DH said, "these halls remind me of the Grand Californian they go every which way". My mom would be overwhelmed up there but I wonder if my dad's care would be different in a larger facility. For now, he has wonderful nurses in ICU. Thank you so much for your offer, that is very kind and I'll keep it in mind. I'm going to actually go to work today and then take the "get mom home in time for trick or treaters shift" My dad is continuing to hang in there. My sister plans to bring a halloween sticker to put on his gown
Originally Posted By velo Look for us on B St., LOL! I'll be the one with dozens of kids. Glad to hear your Dad is hanging in there!
