Originally Posted By beamerdog I wonder if there are other siblings in this family who exhibit the same behavior? Just because he has autism does not give the parents carte blanch(sp) to enroll him in any activity *they* think is appropriate. Does this kid have an IEP? Individual Educational Plan? Issues like this should be addressed there and also inappropriate behavior which endangers other children might have already been noted and some plan might be in place to deal with this.
Originally Posted By beamerdog Ophellia - There is a book in the US that codes various disabilities. Ah, I can't remember the name, someone may be able to help me out here. I think it's like DH something. In it, I believe that there is a specific code for Aspergers which excludes many of the symptoms that you must have to be diagnosed with autism. There is still much debate on this. But as the child develops and ages, the two, high functioning autism and Aspergers have a different "flavor" to them. My son is part of an adult Aspergers social group. Several adults who have the Aspergers diagnosis have tried to fit in, but have some trouble. Oddly enough, the hi functioning autistic individuals usually have much high social functions. Anyway, see the link above for some great information. It's funny, but in the US, the doctors prefer the Aspergers diagnosis for the adults, but kids get many more services from the state if they are diagnosed with autism. Please email me - my son is 27 and we've been through it all, lol. Sorry guys, back to topic.
Originally Posted By DVC_dad All very very good and seemingly sound advice. I think, based on your kind thoughts and honest replies so far, that I am going to wait until Monday, when the gym owner is there. I will not call, I will go by WITH my young son. I will discuss though questions, so that I am not seen as making accusations, and bring the conversation around to basically this: (Tell me if there is a better method) 1.) Every child has the right to be safe above all else, especially when a parent is placing that child under the care of your gym coach for an hour. No one in that class should be subject to physcial or emotional harm. 2.) I am totally sympathetic and trying honestly to understand this autistic young man without pointing a finger. I understand his behavior isn't even his fault. Therefore his parents and or the gym coach must take FULL responsibility during class. 3.) If you think about it, it does the children, and child more harm than good by turning a blind eye to behavior that is not socially acceptable. 4.) I want what is best for everyone. 5.) I am coming to you in a spirit of help, not accusation, nor complaint. 6.) I can't just leave today with a pat on the back and a , "let's see how it goes next class." Everyone, especially the autistic child, needs some sort of plan, something that is different. It is foolish to do the same thing, the same way, over and over, yet expect a different result. 7.) What can I do to help? Anything to add, subtract, or change, please guys, say so. I am the first to admit, I don't want to be unreasonable, and I understand totally (especially after mickeymeg posted this: <<<One child I worked with was diagnosed as having high functioning autism, but he could not understand when someone told him something like 'don't put your feet on the desk'. This left to much open to interpretation, What should he do with his feet ? his next usual response was to kick the person closest to him. Telling him instead to 'keep your feet on the floor' resulted in him doing what he was asked as continuing with the activity. >>> I am tempted to print this thread out and take it with me but I think that would be way way way too pretentious. I have to do something, including if it comes to it, removing my son from the class. Oh and to answer one other question, no at least half the class has an issue not unlike mine.
Originally Posted By 8 ilovemickey 8 DVC dad your plan seems like an excellent one to me. I don't think you can just turn a blind eye and enroll your child in another class. More than likely the autistic child will start doing this (whether he is actually bullying or just trying to communicate) to another child in the class. It is sad to see such a reaction from the autistic child's parents. As they are doing a disservice to your son as well as their own. I can't imagine the difficult circumstances they are trying to overcome but I feel like it is their full responsibility to know what their child is capable of doing and in what environment.
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains When my nephew (high functioning and mainstreamed) acted out in the lunch room - he had been picked on for a couple of weeks as he was new to the school and he was at that time undiagnosed (even though most of us knew - but SIL was/is in denial)...He hit the other boy with his metal thomas the tank lunch box - the school was in the process of evaluating him at the time - but even though they knew he was "special" as my SIL likes to say - the school made it quite clear with my BIL that no matter what nephew's needs were that that behavior would never be accepted. That was 3 years ago and now nephew fully diagnosed and still mainstreamed - but with special services - has learned that it is not okay for violence at all - He had to learn that hitting and pulling hair hurt people and were not acceptible for any reason - he often got these actions confused with affection (with the exception of the lunchroom actions) - With the school services they have taught him about good and bad touching (hugging vs hitting)...My SIL always made excuses for him even when he would act out against his sisters or my kids, blaming them not nephew.
Originally Posted By gottaluvdavillains Oh yeah I would type out your topics you want to discuss with the gym owner - as to keep yourself in check when your emotions over protecting your baby!!!
Originally Posted By Tinkerbell819 You have a great plan in place, DVC dad. I think it's odd that the owner would agree to have the boy in the class without an extra person there to help out. We always took our two Autistic boys to Special Olympics. They never hit anybody, thank goodness! But, we always thought it was easier to not be in the general population when there were activities set up for special needs kids where coaches and "trainers" were more familiar with the kids' needs. We used to take them to track & field for years. My youngest son doesn't have Autism and he had to go to all of these activities with us, of course. There was a boy there with Downs that would beat him up all the time, if he could get to him. His parents were like the Mom you mentioned. They just thought he was adorable and let him do whatever he wanted. Even if I was sitting on the sidelines waiting to run with the boys, if I saw him coming I knew I had to stand up right away. If he ever came upon me sitting down, he'd get me in such a head lock I'd have to yell to my DH for help, because he'd choke me so hard. My youngest DS learned really fast to run away when he saw him coming. Oh, those were the days! lol
Originally Posted By beamerdog Good plan, DVC! I would definitely type it up and have a copy for the gym owner with his name typed on the copy. Good luck and I hope everything works out for all three parties. Maybe this will be the wake up call for the parents of this child.
Originally Posted By mickeymeg DVC, I think this is a great plan. You are very clear in your points. You are clear that you are not 'blaming' this child's autism. This is a fantastic example of how to guide a conversation so that you are offering to help find a solution. I wish there were more people who could react to a situation such as this like you have. I hope the gym owner really listens to what you have to see and I hope this parent comes to see that you are trying to help. Good luck and please let us know how it goes. -Meg
Originally Posted By chickendumpling I'm sorry to hear you are going through this awkward and upsetting situation. Sounds like you've gotten some good advice here and I agree that your plan to deal with it sounds like a good one. I hope things go well. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you and hope to hear a good report back from ya.
Originally Posted By DVC_dad Thank you Chickie, and WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?!??!! Good to "see" ya 'round here again!
Originally Posted By ophellia beamerdog...whats your email?? wait checking your link now...I would LOVE to have an exchange about this...
Originally Posted By ophellia beamerdog...whats your email?? wait checking your link now...I would LOVE to have an exchange about this...
Originally Posted By beamerdog Click on my underlined blue name to the left under "author" and you'll see it in my profile.
Originally Posted By tiggerdis_ DVC, if you still need it, I have that social story for you. Sorry it took so long, I've been training two new people at work. email me your email address to: mrsteachern at netscape dot net
Originally Posted By rtjl72 i hope all the details to keep your son safe work out! i also hope that the parents of the boy involved get him the help he needs. i understand about needing to approach the autistic child in a different manner. but please people- this is a gymnastics coach and not someone with special needs training! the coach probably has their teaching style. i don't think you can expect him to change it. for example, there are several dance studios in our area. they all offer different approaches to learning and the committment each student would like to make. we chose a very stringent studio with focus on correct technique and competitions on the national level. other studios were just for fun and taught how to dance and have rhthym and be able to shake your booty at a party. i don't think it's fair to ask the COACH to adapt, the parents need to be responsible and if they would really think avout what wa best for their son, they would place him where he would have a better feeling for himself and not feel challenged enough to act out. folks, we need to look at public education, too. so many teachers have the special kids mainstreamed that it is short changing the average pupil. when a mainstreamed child comes into the classroom and has their need for special approaches to learning and the teacher has a half dozen of these careplans for instruction- how much instructiuonal time and attention do you think your average student gets?
Originally Posted By rtjl72 p.s. sorry to rant and rave. i am a mommy duck with my son just starting out his teaching career. he has a 4th grade class and several special needs children in the classroom. this last week the team met and part of the plan brought to the table by the social worker was to be sure to offer this particular pupil positive reinforcement evey 5 to 15 minutes without fail as the student is in need of this to stay on track! well, my ds just didn't think this could be the best plan for his overall classroom and that was not a very popular opinion he expressed. i would think that if all the other parents knew of this plan and the amount of time and energy just 1 student was requiring and how this would limit just the amount of curriculum able to be covered in a day_ that they would be up in arms!
