Originally Posted By Travaria Ok I just heard this one yesterday - A little girl was walking down the street when she spotted a real live pirate. The man had a pegleg, a hook for a hand and an eyepatch. Eventually the little girl worked up the courage to talk to him and she asked "What happened to your leg?" and the pirate replied "Yargh it was bitten off by great white shark" and the girl said "oh that's terrible! What happened to your hand?" "Yargh when the shark was on me leg I tried to pry him off with me hand and he ate that too." "how horrible!" said the girl "But what happened to your eye. The pirate said "Yargh a seagull pooped in me eye." And the little girl says "Well that stinks but...how did that cause you to lose your eye." And the pirate replied "Yargh it was my first day with the hook"
Originally Posted By EdisYoda Asked if she would ever consider running for political office, Dolly Parton answered... "There are enough boobs in Washington as it is!"
Originally Posted By EdisYoda A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the Bartender, "Do you server laywyers here?" "Yes, we do!" "Good, Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
Originally Posted By DDMAN26 A man walks into a psychiatrist's office with two fried eggs over his eyes, two strips of bacon hanging from his ears and and a piece of toast in his mouth. He sits down on the couch and says I'm worried about my brother.
Originally Posted By chickendumpling I love all these. Thanks for sharing guys and keep 'em comin'...
Originally Posted By Ursula A piece of string, a Rabbi, and a cowboy all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
Originally Posted By Deogges Mom A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"
Originally Posted By Tinkerbell819 A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Originally Posted By Ursula Two blondes drive to Disneyland and they take the wrong exit off of the 5. They drive around and around looking for it and decide to go home when they see the following sign: DISNEYLAND left
Originally Posted By Deogges Mom Two blondes were building a house. one saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into. "Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?" "Well, when I pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, I nail it it. If it is facing away from the House, it is defective and I throw it away." "You idiot, those nails aren't defective, they are for the other side of the house."
Originally Posted By chickendumpling Riddle courtesy of DS: What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
Originally Posted By Sir Punsalot What does a Frog order from a McDonalds? A Bug Mac and an order of Flies!
Originally Posted By chickendumpling Wow. That really does belong in this thread. ;P Oh, dear. Where are my manners? Welcome to LP Sir Punsalot. Please feel free to start a thread in Community and introduce yourself.
Originally Posted By chickendumpling Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done.
