Originally Posted By friendofdd Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
Originally Posted By goodgirl I am passing this on to everyone because it was passed on to me and has definitely worked. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. It read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished... So far today I have finished a large box of chocoaltes, one bottle of vodka, some Valium, a half a pint of cookie dough ice creama, and 4 beers. You have no idea how good I feel. You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.
Originally Posted By friendofdd I met a man who fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he's fully recovered now.
Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! RAIDERS SUCK!!! 770 bottles of beer on the wall 770 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 769 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By friendofdd A financially strapped cowboy was considering mortgaging his white horse. He was in loan danger as he went to see the loan arranger. He better do it pronto, or it might be a hearty "bye ol' Silver!"
Originally Posted By goodgirl Waiter, waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling water.
Originally Posted By goodgirl Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It's no good, sir, he's frightened of them, too.
Originally Posted By goodgirl Waiter, waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? The butterfly stroke by the look of it sir.
Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! RAIDERS SUCK!!! 769 bottles of beer on the wall 769 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 768 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By friendofdd How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one; but the light bulb has to really want to change.
Originally Posted By LadyKluck A frog walks into a bank to ask for a loan. He is seated at a desk and told that Mrs. Whack would be with him shortly to help him. A few minutes later a lady sat down in front of the frog and introduced herself as Patti. The frog explained to Patti that he was in terrible need of a loan. Patti tried to explain to him that is was a very unusual request and they had never given a loan to an amphibian before. The frog pleaded with her for help. Patti felt sorry for the little frog and excused herself to speak to the bank manager. Several minutes later, she returned and told the frog that they could indeed offer him a loan if he had some collateral. The frog said that it wouldn't be a problem and produced a small Hummel figurine. Patti look at the frog and then looked at the figurine, puzzled - "What is that you have there". The frog handed her the figurine and said...... "Its a knick knack Patti Whack, give the frog a loan."
Originally Posted By Darkbeer Dodgers LOSE again , Colorado 7, SUCK 6 GO PADRES!!! GO ROCKIES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 768 bottles of beer on the wall 768 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 767 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By friendofdd I used to work at a massage parlour, but I got fired. They said I just rubbed every body up the wrong way.
