Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO ROCKIES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 758 bottles of beer on the wall 758 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 757 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By goodgirl The members of the Explorers' Club gathered at their meeting house one evening to find Sir Ferdinand Feghoot sipping a brandy while leaning gingerly against the fireplace mantel. "Ferdinand, old boy," shouted Sir Roger, "Back so soon from the Peoples' Republic? Sit down and tell us all about it." Sir Ferdinand grimaced. "I'd rather NOT sit down, Roggie old boy. But, yes, my mission to China was a success. Not to China, rather, but to old Tibet, the roof of the world, shamelessly annexed by the Red Chinese." "What brought you to such a cold, inhospitable place," asked Sir Thomas. "Searching for ancient Buddhist Sutras? Or perhaps on the trail of the Abominable Snowman?" "They're called Yetis, these days, Tommie," replied Ferdinand, "But, no, I was invited to help exorcize an abandoned Buddhist temple. My friend Lama Mipham was allowed to restore a long unused temple by the Chinese government. Not for worship, you understand, but as a museum to further extol the glories of the People's Republic. Lama Mipham felt that even for his people merely to have access to the art and architectural treasures stored therein would help prevent the further loss of their traditions. "But imagine his surprise, as he began clearing the temple, at being physically attacked!" "By brigands?" asked Sir Rupert, "Temple robbers, prying loose rubies as big as your fist, that were used as third-eye ornaments in enormous idols?" "Lama Mipham is an expert martial artist," Feghoot explained. "He could deal with common criminals. No, he was attacked by supernatural defenders of the faith. Dakinis." "Dakinis?" all the club members muttered in disbelief. "Yes. It means 'skywalker,' you know. Ghostly women, of all sizes, skin colors, some with animal heads, each armed with a mystical weapon that produces very real physical damage." "No wonder this monk fellow asked for your assistance," said Sir Edmund, "You're well known as an accomplished exorcist. Do sit down and elaborate." Once again, Feghoot demurred. "I'll not be sitting down for quite a while, I'm afraid. But I rushed to the temple, armed with holy water, and a nasty three-sided dagger called a 'purba' that can pierce ghostly flesh." "How exciting," whispered Sir Oscar. "No sooner did Lama Mipham and I enter the temple, than a huge, lion-headed, dark green Dakini with a head-chopping sword gave an ear-shattering shriek. Lama Mipham splashed holy water on her, and she vanished. "Then a giantess, at least 12 feet tall, a red skinned Dakini, hurled an arm-binding noose over us, but as she drew us forward I stabbed her with the 'purba,' and she vanished. "Next, a hugely obese dakini, blue-black with flames coming out of every pore hurled a shoulder-piercing trident at Lama Mipham, but he ducked, and countered by chanting the weapon mantra, 'PHAT!' and she vanished." "Insulted, I should guess," chuckled Sir Bernard. "Well, to make a long story shorter," concluded Sir Ferdinand, "There were dozens of dakinis, but Lama Mipham and I vanquished every one of them, although one of diminutive size (no bigger than my thumb) and saffron hue managed to avoid my attention and wounded me in an embarrassing part of my anatomy." Sir Harold gasped. "You mean..." Feghoot nodded. . . . "She was an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow, poke-a-butt Dakini."
Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 757 bottles of beer on the wall 757 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 756 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 756 bottles of beer on the wall 756bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 755 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By goodgirl William Penn (of Pennnsyvania fame) had two aunts who owned a bakery in colonial Philadelphia. Their bakery was reknown for their mouth-watering pies and pasteries. They had a very sucessful business going, until a family of rats settled in their cellar. These rats ate their pies faster than they could bake them, and put the bakery out of business in less than a weeks time. You probably never heard of "Two Sisters Bakery". But everyone has heard of the "Pie Rats of Penn's Aunts"
Originally Posted By goodgirl No. Haven't been there until just now. I was beginning to wonder if I would run out of punny stories before Darkbeer ran out of beer on the wall! I may just make it.
Originally Posted By friendofdd I believe it is the home of feghoots, which prompted me to assume you knew of it. I'm always happy to know another lover of puns. I stopped punning in conversation a long time ago. It is just not much appreciated by most people. But I do like the written stories.
Originally Posted By goodgirl My collection is from vast and wide sources. I like the site you referred me to. I have a "Ponder This" section on the corner of our company intranet. I like to put short items there that seem to confound the staff. They much prefer the knock knock jokes however.
Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 755 bottles of beer on the wall 755 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 754 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By friendofdd I just heard that a radical segment of the woodworkers union broke off and formed a splinter group.
Originally Posted By Darkbeer Brian McBride and Kasey Keller moved up two career lists while leading the United States into the CONCACAF Gold Cup quarterfinals. McBride's two goals lifted him into third in scoring in U.S. history, and Keller tied a team record with his 32nd shutout in a 2-0 victory over Martinique on Monday. GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 754 bottles of beer on the wall 754 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 753 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By goodgirl While hiking in the woods, Nate and Sam found this huge rock which had an old iron lever attached to it. Etched into the rock was the following inscription: "If this lever is pulled, the world will come to an end!" Nate wanted to pull the lever and see what would happen, but Sam, being a paranoid pessimist, greatly feared this! He said to Nate that if he tried to pull the lever, he'd shoot him! In a daring attempt, Nate lunged for the lever, and sure enough, Sam shot him! What is the moral of this story? - Better Nate than lever!
Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 753 bottles of beer on the wall 753 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 752 bottles of beer on the wall
Originally Posted By friendofdd Before he became a writer, William Shakespeare used to sell Swiss Cheese. He gave up the job because people kept complaining about his cheese. They would say to him "No holes, bard".
Originally Posted By Darkbeer GO PADRES!!! GO USA NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM!!! GO GALAXY!!! DODGERS SUCK!!! 752 bottles of beer on the wall 752 bottles of beer Take one down Pass it around 751 bottles of beer on the wall
